William Jones
Stories
10
Chapters
3,868
Words
2.6 M
Comments
0
Reading
8 d, 21 h
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Dori was very drunk. "I'm a little drunk." She tripped and fell into the soft grass. "Make that very drunk." Barbellbarian dropped down next to her. "I agree, you’re very drunk. And this is far away enough from the others for little girls that want to make a lot of noise." The two moved together, tossing armor, weapons and clothing randomly around them and then started doing something that Bennie was confused about. Part of him said this was how you made more bunnies, but he knew that to make more…-
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Ozzy woke up. He was cold, sick, and his muscles were cramping. He was in a pod. Drugs and nutrients were being rapidly flushed into his system to bring his comatose body back to life. This process normally took a few minutes. Ozzy was experiencing the pain the process caused if done in seconds. He remembered, and his mind filled with nothing but anger and anxiety. But he couldn't move and couldn't breathe. The top of the pod lifted off, releasing the nitrogen atmosphere that normally filled it.…
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It was party time in goblin town! There was so much to drink that every goblin had at least one bottle in their hands. It wasn't the traditional Red Wizard that they knew and loved, but that was ok. What it lacked in quality it made up for in quantity. And variety. Some was blue, some was sticky, some of it fizzed and sparkled. The best burned all the way down your throat and made your legs wobbly. Toast after toast was made to Courierben, great friend of the goblins. If their friend wasn't there to…
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Ferdinand, Lord of the Pasture and Biggest Bull in the Herd, went running across the meadow as he heard the mournful cry of one of his cows in distress. He doubled his speed when he recognized that sorrowful scream as belonging to Betty. He came upon the huge old cow at the side of one of the fields. She was running back and forth, trampling through bushes, uprooting small trees, calling to one of her calves. She had birthed two fine calves just hours ago. One of those was trying to stay close to his…
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Themis considered the events of the last few hours. The emperor wanted a report. This should have been simple: Observe two groups of fighters from rival corporations engage each other with a small village and an undeveloped mine as the prizes. Play referee and declare a winner. Simple....and yet they hadn't even gotten to the start of the battle before the wheels fell off the wagon. The beforehand maneuvering to cripple ACME's forces just stunk. But it had been effective, and so of course that would…
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"Gentlemen, I thank you for the timely healing, but it might be best if you retreat back upstairs. I doubt you'll have trouble going out a second story window on the back of the building. I'll yell if I need you, Benjamin." Themis didn't have to tell Ben and Rolly twice. As soon as the fighters outside were allowed back in the tavern, things would get bad. They ran to the second floor and were about to leave out a window, when Rolly saw the dozens of bottles of alcohol sitting in crates. "Let’s not…
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Brandon knocked aside the charred rubble and opened the door to the tavern. The stout outer door was barely singed and opened easily. No one was inside, and it looked like the bar was emptied. That didn't bother him at all. Enough of these idiots would be drunk soon enough anyway on their own liquor. The upstairs door was locked with a small sign that said 'Private rooms, please keep out.' Fine, what he cared about was in the basement. A blue flag was hanging in the corner of the tavern. When he moved…
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Sammy had always understood that you had to roll with the punches when you worked for a large corporation as a middle manager. Sometimes you're taunting your former boss and being welcomed to your new job, and sometimes you’re crawling along the road while a psycho-bitch stabs you in the tender parts. Still, being strangled by your new boss while being blamed for the people screaming and burning around you was setting a new standard. "You fething deceitful little turd. Why didn't you tell me they had…
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General Sophia Konstantina Themis sipped her tea and scowled. The tea was excellent. The little inn of this backwater town had good priorities. The muffins were average, the veal was on the tough side, her bed was barely better than the ground. But the tea was excellent, and that made up for many lesser sins. Her tea time being interrupted several minutes early was not a lesser sin. Which is why she was scowling at the annoying paladin that had sauntered into the inn stating, "I'm looking for General…
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Something was happening in the area the workers were now calling Fort Beer; Billy and Vern were yelling at each other and all the ACME managers seemed to be involved in some sort of drama. Rolly and Ben kept their heads low and snuck into the tavern. To their surprise, Zephyr was behind the bar, wearing a dress similar to what Suzette wore, and polishing glasses. "Morning guys, Suzette is downstairs waiting for you. She said, and I quote, ' "I never know what's going on. It's easier that way. " Rolly…
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