Sophia Martin
Stories
11
Chapters
7,174
Words
1.1 M
Comments
0
Reading
3 d, 21 h
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Donald Trump was President of America and Boris Johnson was the Prime Minister of Great Britain. Even more absurdly, Spurs were in contention for the Premiership title and the Champions League. I read the newspaper from front to back twice and it still didn’t make any sense. If this was a fake reality, who would make it this unbelievable? And if this was the real thing, what the hell had happened? Had everyone lost their minds. Oh, and there was also a global pandemic and Nazi’s marching in the…-
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I inhaled deeply. There was no mistaking it — genuine British air. I knew it was British because of the faint smell of diesel and cow shit, a disgusting combination that the English countryside proudly insisted on, as integral to the rural way of life as fox hunting and sheep shagging. God, I hated the countryside. My first instinct was to assume this was another fake reality created by Maurice, but hallucinations were never a hundred percent accurate, and smells were particularly hard to…
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‘HTADDB Book 10: Welcome Home’ starts today on Patreon with As previously mentioned, this is the last book in the series. Unlike Is up on Patreon now and will post here from this coming…
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A fat man loses a lot of weight and he is now one of the normies. It’s all he really ever wanted, not to stand out for his failings. Now he stands out for his achievements. Well, the one achievement — being able to stand in one leg of his old trousers. Yay! He did it. Everyone knows how hard it is to get rid of those stubborn folds of fat. Cake is delicious. Kale is not. It’s a kind of superpower, a strength of will, to push yourself to the point where you can do something others would like to but…
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Here was I, the fussiest of surly gits, alone and unmolested, able to do as I pleased sexually. And I even had a girl with me to assist. The girl of your dreams and a void to call your own — what more could a boy want? “I’m not going to die if I have sex with you, am I?” I feel it’s always best to ask. People get turned on by different things. You don’t want to find yourself in bed with someone who keeps a Black and Decker drill under their pillow to help heighten the pleasure. Those things…
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“Do we fight now?” said Jenny. She laid my head gently on the ground and stood up to face me. Orient yourself for two of me or this will get confusing. “I don’t have a weapon. Can I borrow one of yours?” “I’m not going to fight you,” I said. What I meant was I wasn’t going to fight her when she was ready for me. Attack when they least expect it. From behind. When they’re asleep. Such is the noble art of not getting your arse handed to you on a plate by a girl. “You’re a boy,”…
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When my life was a pitiful existence in a world that had very little use for me and no interest in what I chose to do with my time, I kept to my own company and found ways to amuse myself. Didn’t bother anyone, tried my best to avoid being bothered. It worked out okay. When I found myself in a strange world that made no sense, but which gave me the chance to have a completely different experience, a chance to see what it was like to live at the centre of events, I responded by running away. At…
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As the old saying goes, you either die as a hero or live long enough to wish you were dead. That’s my version, anyway. It’s the people you surround yourself that make the difference. For every award winner who stands with gong in hand (not a euphemism) saying, “I was so lucky to work with such an extraordinary group of people,” there’s the immeasurable rest of us, looking around and thinking, “How the fuck did I get lumbered with this lot?” It wasn’t like I hadn’t tried to make the best…
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The temple was empty and silent, and drafty in the way only buildings with no carpet can be. What exactly is the point of ceilings that are over ten meters in height? In case a giant drops in for Sunday service? Actually, that was probably the reason. Jenny was walking two steps behind me, slightly to one side. It wasn’t beyond her to walk right behind me and intentionally catch the backs of my shoes to make my heel pop out. That’s how her sense of humour was. Just because I didn’t find it funny…
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You know how you can’t fold paper beyond a certain point? You get it small enough it just won’t bend anymore. People are like that, too. The smaller they are, the less flexible. I am by nature a small person. It would be easy to make jokes about my height or my penis-size, but I think you know I don’t mean it like that. I mean talking about the smallness in your heart, how willing you are to give to others without getting anything in return. We all get to the point where we just can’t go any…
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